Want People to Be Excited to See You?
A simple tip for being the person that lights up the room.
It was my birthday earlier this week and the best way to describe it was: absolutely delightful.
I woke up to Pretzel (my wife) and Pineapple (my daughter) singing me happy birthday with homemade cupcakes ready to go. They were delicious, made better by the fact that Pineapple was particularly generous with the M&Ms she used as sprinkles.
We then got ready for the day and I dropped off Pineapple for daycare, where I was surprised to find out that pretty much every kid and teacher knew it was my birthday.
How? Well, we were having a small birthday celebration later that night with some of our friends (whose kids are best friends with Pineapple) and the three little ones had been so excited for “Papa Andrew’s birthday” that they told everyone about it (even one of the administrators who I had never talked to before wished me happy birthday).
I took a relaxed approach to my work that day, went to lunch with Pretzel, and made time for a small nap in the afternoon before the aforementioned party with friends.
Like I said, it was delightful. And what made it that way? Well, delicious cake always helps, but primarily it was other people’s excitement and enthusiasm for my presence (in addition to my excitement and enthusiasm for my presents).
How to Create Excitement and Enthusiasm
It reminded me of an observation I once had about Nate, my best friend and the person to blame / celebrate for getting me into comedy.
Years ago, I was visiting him in Chicago when he was performing at Second City and iO. At the time, I was going through similar programs at UCB and The Magnet in New York. And as I tagged along from venue to venue, I noticed just how many people Nate not only knew, but that seemed ecstatic to see him.
I compared that to my own experience in NY. People were always cordial with me but no one reacted like they did with Nate. I was someone that other people knew, Nate was someone that people loved. Every time he ran into someone, it was as if he was their best friend from childhood that they hadn’t seen in years.
I tried to understand why. Are people just nicer in Chicago? Is Nate so much funnier than me that people want to be around him? Do they just like him because he always seems to have Now & Laters in his pocket (maybe I should buy Now & Laters)?
I decided to observe him at the next place we went to and noticed something I hadn’t before: as soon as Nate saw someone he knew, he showed excitement for seeing them. He got a huge grin on his face or he did a small dance or he ran up to give them a hug or high five. He was the one starting the enthusiasm.
They were excited to see him because he was excited to see them.
And that’s the same feeling I felt walking into a daycare with a bunch of 3 year olds screaming “Papa Andrew! It’s your birthday!”
I’ve spent 13+ years teaching people how to unlock their skill of humor at work. I’ve written multiple books about the research and we’ve got courses that go into detail about all the different techniques you can use for specific situations to get specific outcomes.
All of it comes back to a simple truth: you get back what you put in.
If you want people to be excited to see you, be excited to see them. If you want people to use humor with you, use humor with them. If you want friends to share their candy with you, share your candy with them (thanks for always having the Now & Laters, Nate).
Yes, there are going to be plenty of people who don’t reciprocate your energy or enthusiasm. There may even be a handful that try to take advantage of it or dismiss you because you have it. But there are going to be far more people who respond in kind.
With everything going on in the world right now, we could all use a little more kindness and positivity in our lives. And it starts with you.
So, how are you going to bring some excitement and enthusiasm into the world today?
Now, it’s time to eat the last piece of cake that Pretzel and Pineapple made for me. I don’t care if it’s 10am, it’s still my birthday (week…).
(an)drew
PS. With everything going on, we thought it might be helpful to host a workshop on managing stress. Join us on 2/25 for Resilience at Wits’ End.
Once you hear this advice, it's obvious. But it's also obvious that most people (umm, me) don't live their lives this way. Gotta get more happy to see folks. Small addition: greet them by name if you know it.
How do you get started on this? What people are you genuinely happy to see? How do you show it? Can you 'fake it' until you make it? Or as Amy Cuddy says 'fake it until you become it?' Is there self talk that makes it easier to show enthusiasm or harder to?